It Starts with an S
by LoonyLoopyLupin96
Summary: Remus' problem is always Sirius, for better or for worse. But sometimes, Sirius needs it spelling out.


Remus Lupin had a problem.

Well, truth be told, he had quite a lot of problems but for the moment only one of them was pressing. He had a secret he was intent on keeping, and his three best friends were doing their damned best to get it out of him.

"What's a guy got to do around here to keep his business private?" he said groaning, and not for the first time that week.

It had been going on since the twelfth of September; Sirius had overheard Remus talking to himself behind the curtains of his four-poster bed, and invited himself to tear them apart. Then, asking in a less than welcome manner what Remus was doing, he perched on one of the posts. Remus, sat cross-legged on the top of his sheets with his pillows propped behind his back, immediately flushed scarlet and began stuttering a few incoherent terms to excuse himself.

 _"_ _I was be-"_

 _"_ _We-"_

 _"_ _Th-"_

 _"_ _Ho-"_

 _"_ _Ju-just, never.. never mind. Why are you here now?"_ He had asked eventually, emphasising both the 'you' and the 'now' as he spoke.

Sensing he had interrupted something quite exciting, for it wasn't often that Remus became so wound up, Sirius was intent upon finding out what had been going on.

Except it hadn't been as easy as he had anticipated. No amount of tickling, bribery or affection could encourage his friend to share what he had been doing that day. Naturally, rather than give up, Sirius opted to call in his reinforcements and he informed both Peter and James (and consequently, Lily) of what was going on. Or at least, that he wanted to find out what was going on.

Three days had passed since Sirius had entered into his mission, for that was what he deemed it to be, and his efforts were all to no avail.

It was after a series of prompts, such as 'does it have anything to do with this', and 'does it involve that', that Remus had finally closed the book he had been attempting to enjoy, and stood up asking what he had to do for his privacy.

Such a query only inflated Sirius' curiosity, because in the past there had only been two things which Remus had sought to keep from his friends so intently; his sexuality and his lycanthropy.

Both of which the Marauders had naturally come to find out, and had embraced enthusiastically.

What else could there be, of such great importance? What wasn't he telling them?

"We don't have privacy, Moony, you know that. Come on, the sooner you tell us the sooner we can forget about it," Peter replied, almost helpfully.

"I don't want t- there's nothing to tell," Remus replied, gnawing at the flesh on the inside of his mouth in order to both calm himself down and prevent himself from talking.

"Of course there is, or you wouldn't be getting so haughty with us."

"Maybe I was just trying to enjoy a book. You know, peace and quiet. Escape."

"Or maybe you were looking to avoid sharing your saucy secret with us," Sirius suggested, waggling his eyebrows as he turned himself around in the chair so his legs lay along the back.

"Whatever. I'm going upstairs to finish this book; there's a long waiting list for it at the library. Please, for the love of all that's chocolate, leave me to it."

And with that, Remus turned and left his friends in the common room.

As the door to the stairs closed, there was a simultaneous clatter and squeak as Sirius threw himself back in the chair so he was sitting the right way. Incidentally, this also involved landing his foot in the side of Peter's head.

"Jerk."

"Shut up. Ugh, man, I just want to know what's going on with him."

James, who had watched the conversation unfold between the three of them, suddenly spoke in a tone which was almost wistful with wonder.

"Have you tried just asking him?"

Sirius did a double-take, "Is that a joke? Have I not been doing that for the past few days?"

James shook his head, "I mean asking him properly. Normally. None of the…fluff."

Sirius raised an indignant brow at the suggestion that he engaged in any form of 'fluff', but otherwise took heed of James' idea.

"I don't think so. I mean, I figured it wouldn't have been serious; there's nothing sinister left that it could possibly be. Nothing that we couldn't have known, if it mattered that much, already. I just don't get why he's being so obstructive about it. Why does he have to be so damned difficult?"

"He could be dying," Peter thought, aloud.

Sirius snorted.

"Not today he bloody isn't," he replied, although in the pit of his stomach he did wonder if it genuinely could be something so dreadful.

In the moment that his stomach churned, Sirius resolved to ignore Remus' wishes for peace – as per the norm – and simply ask, outright, what the problem was.

 _ **oxx-xx-xx-xxo**_

Upstairs in their dormitory, the room was bloating with darkness, save for a miniscule glow coming from the last bed on the right.

Knocking twice on the open door, Sirius whispered into the room; "Remus?"

There was a little huff – or was it a sigh – in response, and the sound of a book closing and being set aside on a table.

"What do you want, Pads?" Remus asked, not unkindly.

The use of the nickname signified a truce, and Sirius made his way blindly over to his friend's bed.

"I wanted to check in with you, see how you're doing."

"Sirius, you saw me ten minutes ago. I haven't changed much since then."

The duo were quiet for a moment, and then Sirius simply asked; "Remus, are you dying?"

The words echoed in the room, and Sirius was just about to light up his own wand when Remus' snickers became audible.

"Good god, I surely hope not. Where on earth did that come from?"

"We were speculating, after you'd left-"

"Of course you were."

"-and I had to wonder."

Remus sighed, shaking his head and frowning, "I'm not dying. Rest assured that I am no more ill than normal."

Sirius smiled to himself, then. Of course it was a stupid suggestion. Hindsight could be a wonderful thing.

"Then… Can I ask.. What is it? Really?"

This time, Remus' sigh was less in amusement, and rather more a sign of his frustration.

"It's nothing," he answered, shortly, "I meant it when I said it. There's nothing going on. If you'd listened to me the first time, you wouldn't be wasting time speculating about me bloody well popping my clogs, would you? Don't you think, by now, that after everything we've experienced – everything we have disclosed about ourselves – that I would tell you if it was something important? Something necessary?"

Sirius felt chastised. Of course, his curiosity hadn't waned in the slightest but he had certainly sobered up some. His friend wasn't amused, wasn't entertaining the whole 'guess what I'm thinking' game. He was tired, and he was quite right in suggesting that it would save Sirius a considerable amount of grief if he quit worrying over things which apparently did not warrant any worry.

The acceptance must have shown on Sirius' face, along with the feeling of being reprimanded, for Remus smiled, then. His teeth were visible in the small light radiating before him.

The bed creaked as Remus shuffled his way over to where Sirius had perched, and he put his hand on his friend's arm.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk," he began, steadily, "I just… I'd rather we forget the whole Remus-talks-to-himself thing, because it isn't important. There are more pressing matters in our future, and this isn't one of them. Okay, perhaps I have been overly grouchy about it all, and I'm sure the time of the- Stop it.." Remus interrupted himself to push his friend, for Sirius had begun snickering, "-month has something to do with it. But really, it's fine. It's nothing."

Standing upright now, and stretching himself as though he had been sat there for a while, Sirius nodded.

"I get that," he began, "But we can't stop everything because we're graduating soon. You know, I'll wonder about this until the day I die. But it's fine. If you're going to be all….serious…" Sirius' eyes lit up in amusement at himself, "Then that's okay."

Remus rolled his eyes at the melodrama.

"Why do I get the feeling you aren't going to let this drop?"

"Because it obviously matters more than you're letting on. You were like this before, getting all jittery and ' _oh, it's nothing_ '," Sirius replied, in a clear imitation of Remus, "Then we found out you were a homosexual werewolf five days out of seven, and a heterosexual at the weekend."

They both laughed, "You muppet. I was dating Marlene for more than just that weekend. And the night with Alice was a Tuesday."

"Was it that good? You remembered the day of the week?"

The two continued to laugh, until their chuckling faded away.

"Can't you just clue me in, Moony?"

He thought for a moment, and then-

"I'm turning this light off. It's…easier to think and speak if it isn't glaring up at me, and if I can't see your expression."

Sirius didn't reply, he had heard that before. Whether it was a wolf thing or a Remus thing, he wasn't sure, but sometimes his friend seemed to repel bright, oppressive lights, and shy away from confronting certain emotions.

The duo were quiet for a while, neither one of them moving nor saying anything.

Sirius' throat was sticking, but he was sure that clearing it would seem suggestive, and so he simply elected to endure.

Then, after a few more moments, Remus cleared his own throat and began to talk.

"It's not as important as you're acting, but it's also not as simple as I'm trying to suggest. I just…don't want to share. Not this time. Not yet. Not with all of you."

"You could just tell me," Sirius replied, without a trace of his former amused self, "We've done that before. I can keep a secret, when I know that it's a secret."

Remus nodded, into the abyss, "I know you can, but… No. Not now, anyway."

"So, some time?"

"Perhaps, but for now I'm genuinely quite tired, and there isn't anything else for me to say on it," he concluded, crawling back to his pillows so he could get into bed properly.

"Can I have a clue?"

"Goodnight, Sirius."

Sirius smiled to himself, for at least he had learned something about the matter, and headed for the door.

Then, through the darkness in a voice so low he wasn't entirely sure he hadn't imagined it, Sirius heard, "It starts with an S."

 ** __**

 ** _oxx-xx-xx-xxo_**

 **Hi! This is my first piece in quite a while, but it makes a lovely alternative to writing structured essays so I think I'm going to have a bit of fun watching the tale unravel. Besides, I've missed my favourite duo. I'm not sure how long this is going to be, but I figure that will become evident as the script develops. Anyway, have a very marauding Christmas everybody and I'll see you again soon. x**


End file.
